I WON $450,000.00

[Jay]

With me as the winner! It could happen!

[slackpipe]

Microsoft will just team up with anybody.  How many times have they joined up with AOL to track email forwards so they could donate to that 8 year old girl that has been dying for 12 years now.

[Jay]

Yup, and now AOL, Microsoft, and Google are teaming up to track replies to this thread. Every time someone replies they plan to save a starving child over seas and every time someone reads the thread and doesn't reply they kill one.

[slackpipe]

See! I told you they were watching us, man.  They're everywhere.  And did you know that they have built a car...that runs on water!  On water, man!

[Jay]

I've gotten like five more lottery/419 emails since I started this thread. It's most likely because of my email being listed in the who is database, I guess. Anyway, I replied back to one of them the other day. Here it is:

kazan.issa@gmail.com
kazan issa wrote:
> Good day,
> 
> I hope that this message might not come to you as a surprise.
> I am one of the directors in a financial insitution here in Burkina Faso.
> There is  a deceased client of our bank from America who died with his wife and left
>  the sum of $13.7 M on the date of 1st  june 2009 in  Air France Flight 447, this is an operating a scheduled international passenger flight from Galeao International Airport
> in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, to Paris ...which crashed in the Atlantic Ocean.
> 
> The  names of the clients with his wife  are... Michael Harris and Anne Harris.
> He lost his life with his wife leaving the huge fund without any next of kin.
> I want us to work together and get this fund transfered out of this bank.
> You should reply back and I will guide you on what to do.
> 
> Contact me via this email address....

and my reply:

It just so happens that I am the prince of Nigeria and I have a counter offer for you. My political opposition has stagged a coo and I fear for my life. I have 100 million US dollars and I need a way to get it out of the country. You should reply back to me and I will guide you on what to do. More or less, I plan to transfer this sum to you temporarily and give you 10% for your trouble. Forget about that tiny sum of $13.7 million and gather up all of your bank account numbers and send them to me, I'll make you rich. Also be advised that I sell a pill that will make your penis bigger.

funny stuff.

[Jay]

OK, here's an update. Since I last posted in this thread I've received a couple more scam emails and I replied to both with the same text as my last post. Then I got bored and... well read this one:

**NSFW - I redacted the "bad" parts using the spoiler tag. Highlight the text or mouse over the redacted sections to read it all.**

The email:

The UK E-LOTTERY wishes to inform you that you have won £950,000.00,
in an online Sweepstakes International program held in July, 2009.
To file for your claim, please contact fudiciary agent:
Barrister Henry Preston. E-mail: barrhenrypreston@sbcglobal.net <mailto:barrhenrypreston@sbcglobal.net>

Congratulations,
UK E-LOTTERY BOARD
NOTE:Ensure that you file your claim to barrhenrypreston@sbcglobal.net <mailto:barrhenrypreston@sbcglobal.net>

My Reply:

Barrister Henry Preston,

I'll tell you what. I'm a nice guy and I'm already filthy rich so just keep the money and give it to your mother. Last time I fucked her I think I might have hurt her, so she deserves it.

However, I would like to make a counter offer. I'm the president of the Royal Bank of Scotland and someone has died with no next of kin. I would like to transfer the sum of 40 million dollars over to you. This will effectively launder the money and I'll just have to trust you to give half of it back. (that's 20 million each... I know you have trouble with numbers, being retarded and all)

All I need to make this happen is your name, address, mother's maiden name, a photo copy of your ID, your bank account numbers, your medical records, a blood sample, a urine sample, a stool sample, a scraping from your genital warts (everyone know you have them), and a one time fee of 500 dollars to process the paperwork.

I promise to make you as rich and powerful as me. I just can't make you any better looking... you're gone too far down ugly street to turn back now. Surely you fell off the ugly tree and hit that sad face of yours on every branch on the way down. As a matter of fact if I looked like you I think I'd do the right think and shoot myself in the cock to prevent the procreation of my gene pool.

On an unrelated matter, your wife tells me that your penis is so small that she has to come to me for satisfaction. Of course, I would never stick my dick in something that ugly, let alone anything you'd stuck that disease infested little dick of yours in. I do satisfy her however, by sodomising her with a retractable baton. She enjoys that.

Anyway to get to the point, I sell a pill that will make your little dick grow into a normal man sized penis. Just leave an extra 50 bucks in your bank account and I'll help myself to it, then I'll mail the pills to the address on your ID.

I'm so nice and helpful.

Sincerly Yours,
Jay

PS: I really do hope that you die. Burning in hell would be too good for you.